THE HARDER HALF
The part that doesn’t photograph well
No tidy transformation here. Just the less visible work of drinking less, figuring out my own head, and trying to be a little more honest about both.
An incomplete record
DRINKING LESS— NO STRAIGHT LINE
SEPTEMBER 2026
Where I’m starting
There’s no dramatic rock bottom here, and I’m not keeping score every day. I just know drinking has taken up more space in my life than I want it to. So I’m paying attention to that now. Some stretches will probably look better than others. The point is to stop looking away when they don’t.
The other project: my head
THERAPY, ANXIETY, SMALL BREAKTHROUGHS
THE HEAD STUFF
Turns out, those might be related.
I spent a long time treating what was happening in my head and what I was drinking like two separate problems. I’m starting to think that was convenient. Anxiety makes a drink sound better. Drinking can make the anxiety worse. Somewhere in that loop is a lot of stuff I’d probably prefer not to look at, which is unfortunately becoming a pretty good reason to look.
THE PART I’M LEARNING
What helps tonight doesn’t always help tomorrow.
Drinking can make a bad night easier and the next day harder. Avoiding something can feel like relief without fixing any of it. I’m trying to get better at noticing the difference.
WHAT I’M TRYING
Things that help when my brain is being an asshole.
01
Getting out of my own house
Sometimes the goal isn’t a workout or accomplishing anything. It’s just changing the scenery before I spend another hour arguing with myself in the same room.
02
Calling someone
Not texting. Not sending a meme and pretending that counts. Sometimes hearing another person’s voice interrupts whatever weird little courtroom my brain has set up.
03
Letting it suck for a minute
My first instinct is usually to make a bad feeling go away. I’m trying to get a little better at letting it exist without immediately needing to fix it, avoid it, or drink over it.
NO GRAND CONCLUSION
Still figuring out what clearheaded looks like.
I don’t know what this part of my life looks like six months from now. Maybe I’ll drink less. Maybe I’ll understand my own head a little better. Hopefully both. For now, I’m paying attention, trying things, getting some of them wrong, and writing down what I learn along the way. No big reveal at the end. I’m still in the middle of it.
That’s kind of the whole point.