NOT A FINISHED PRODUCT
Still becoming. Still starting over.
Clearheaded & Committed is what happens when I stop waiting until I have a success story to tell. I’m figuring out my relationship with fitness, my own head, alcohol, substances, and the rest of my life while I’m living it.
Including the parts where I change my mind, fall back into old habits, or decide to start again. There’s no promise that every change sticks. There’s no requirement that it has to. This is just an honest record of what happens in between one version of things and the next.
WHY PUT IT ONLINE?
Partly to help. Who exactly? We’ll see.
I want this to be the kind of place where the messy middle parts can exist without immediately needing to be fixed, explained, or turned into something inspiring. And I’ll go first. I’ll share what I’m going through (good and baaaaad), say some things out loud that might be easier to keep to myself, and probably overshare every now and then.
If any of it helps someone else, even better. Maybe it’s something worth trying. Maybe it’s just the relief of recognizing a thought you’ve had too. You don’t owe this place your story in return. If you ever want to share, I hope this becomes somewhere that feels safe enough to do that. If you’d rather hang around, read, laugh, think, and keep your own stuff to yourself, that works too.
Maybe I help someone. Maybe somebody reading this eventually helps me. Maybe we just make the middle a little more interesting by talking about it.
Worst case, I got to vent.
THE MIDDLE
There’s a lot of life between starting and figuring it out.
I used to think the interesting part of a story was what changed. The decision, the breakthrough, the point where things finally clicked. But there’s a whole lot that happens before any of that and plenty that happens after you thought you had it figured out.
That’s the part I keep coming back to. Starting something. Stopping. Trying again. Doing better for a while. Making the same mistake with impressive confidence. Changing my mind about what I even want. None of it makes for a particularly clean before-and-after, but it does make for a pretty accurate life.
That’s the middle. That’s what this is about.
WHAT YOU’RE GETTING
No expert. No guru. No shit.
01
I’m not a pro at this.
I’m not here to tell you how to get sober, get fit, fix your brain, or get your life together. I’m figuring out my own version of all this too. If something works, I’ll share it. If it goes sideways, you’ll hear about that too.
02
Nothing is off-limits.
The good stuff is easy to talk about. I want to leave room for the embarrassing, uncomfortable, complicated, and occasionally very stupid stuff too. I’ll share what feels right, including the parts that would be much easier to edit out.
03
You get to take what fits.
Something that works for me might be completely wrong for you. Keep what helps. Ignore what doesn’t. Change your mind later. Come back and try again. There are no points for agreeing with me, and definitely no homework at the end.
ANYWAY, YOU’RE HERE NOW.
Stick around. There’s plenty left to screw up.
I don’t know exactly what this becomes from here, which is probably fitting. For now, I’ll keep writing, trying things, changing my mind, starting over, and reporting back from somewhere in the middle.
You’re welcome to come along for as much or as little of it as you want.